If there's a rocket-tie me to it

Bee's Rocket 

Ok so YES it's been a while, and I'm sure all the mommies in daHood will understand WHY. 

At first your going to think that I made this rocket for the darling boys, and  adventurous girls, that would be partially true. I really made it for a meditative moment I'd like to share with you, mommies, step mommies, aunties, and those teachers that I will be sending my offspring to next week, I must add, I will be doing so joyously.

I use this rocket in a visualization technique in those peak moments of sibling rivalry, which include boxing matches, sprint running with screaming and knocking every vertical object over, an escape attempt through the front door and the devil dog never misses an opportunity to bolt through to antagonize the frou-frou dogs in the park,  and actions that children deem comical, like hiding behind a  display of wine bottles in the grocery store that they come dangerously close to knocking over! (Why do my normally somewhat coordinated children have muscle spasms aka spastic moments near GLASS?!) Or for those oh so endearing whining attacks that reach levels that only rodents can decipher the meaning to.

So here is what I do 

     1. Picture my rocket rumbling on the launch pad.

                                    2. Picture myself in my purple space suit walking happily from them, skipping if you will, from the punching, kicking, and general abusing of each other after I told them to stop for the 500th time.      

                            3. Envision a giant bungee cord, preferably green to go with my supersuit. I then strap myself in.                                

                                      4. Brad Pitt (you can use whomever floats your boat), comes out to light my rocket, and I tell him "No I cannot Possibly leave my husband for you" He then begins to cry, You KNOW how Brad Pitt cries. This is to be used only in the most dire situations. 

                                        5. I give Brad the double thumbs up, and I scream "Light this candle!"

  and away I go.

So there's no lesson to be learned, other than a unrealistic way to cope with life in general, but hey you get this fancy little- click -> ROCKET. I've uploaded a-click -> Bee's rocket image file for you too. Just in case you want to add it to your SVG library, this way it will display when you look at the folder in windows. (Click on the picture of the rocket on the top of this post to get your link).

(Also open your layers window in SCAL. You can rename the layers and the colors, it will only create a scut file but will not change the svg. I am sorry but Inkscape doesn't transfer all the pretty colors and layer names, it just gives a generic number.  BUT it does cut the way you need it too by using the eye feature, close the eye and it won't cut, open the eye and it will, this allows you to use different colors of paper. If you don't use the layers it won't cut correctly.  Go to Svgcuts.com to view their tutorials on layers, they are Fab!).

Again remember you really need to write about me in your diary, name your children after me, etc. if you use the rocket. I'd LOVE to see what you do! Thank you thank you for sharing the love!

                        

PS- click on the word ROCKET above and then click on  bee's rocket image to catch the link

GEICO Commercial - Honest Abe

Ok this is the longer version which is to me even funnier, because he's got the deer in the headlights demeanor, and I've actually gotten this reaction from my husband, who literally started sweating.

Honest Abe

 

Ok for those of you who aren't familiar with American Presidents- The nickname for this president was "Honest Abe". This commercial has me LMAO!

New GEICO Commercial - Piggy

This was Hee-larious.

Me wake surfing.

Wow what a complete pain trying to get this posted...FYI yes that's me crying in the beginning, well pretty much throughout. But it is to illustrate what a wake surfboard looks like, not to be confused with a wakeboard. I am looking forward to doing it again. Really. And I Apologize to all who are searching for a fork to rid yourself of your sight after viewing me in a bikini.

Wake me when we're through

Bee's WakeSurfboard just wake me

My poor head of hair...I'm going to lay money on the fact that I will be as bald as a cue ball by the time I figure this Ink Scape business out.

Luckily, I had the braincells left to remember this braniac (when I say this imagine me saying it with true reverence-I am uber impressed with the experts that I've seen, I'm just bitter)  who had video tutorials on Ink Scape, and she talks slowly and clearly, for people like me. When watching her tutorial, I of course, still couldn't understand, SO I emailed her and she graciously allowed me to send her the file.I then tired of that project and moved on to another, and guess what? She looked at that file too!

She basically told me that I was obviously frustrated, and I was grouping things altogether too much. Apparently I should have been a cattle rancher because I like to lasso objects and attempt to squeeze them to my will. My "grouping" didn't work, but "UNION" does. Do you see how poetic that is? You can't make things work together, they need to have a agreement, a UNION. The braniacs name is Susan, and here is the link to her YouTube videos Susan's site. There you will hear her tell me that I need to lay off the group function, and you will see that I tend to commit overkill, and how kindly she critique's my computer aided design skills.

Anyhoo here is the story behind the SVG file that I was trying to make since I returned from Lake Nacimiento.

My little family and another little family went to Lake Nacimiento, and after much talking, Greg finally convinced me that NO I wouldn't hurt myself "wake surfing". I, of course, didn't believe a word he said but tried it anyways, not because I'm fun, talented, or spontaneous. You see, there were 4 children, (2, that I legally have to claim are mine), on that boat that were 7 and under. I needed to get away, however dangerous it might be, it had to be done. So I hopped into that water and attempted to get my butt out of it via the "wake surfboard". I will post the video,(it will be another blog post because I can't seem to insert it in my post-are we surprised that I CAN'T do this?!)  and my dear friends you will understand WHY to get my butt out of the water isn't a easy feat. I'm sure you would agree how brave I am for posting a video of me wearing a bikini in public, can I get an Amen my sista's?!

I obviously survived this ordeal but wanted to share my humiliation with Y'all. In commemoration of my fearful encounter with the wake surfboard here is an svg I made with Susan's help. They are grouped in SCAL so just un-group them and you can take words out if you like and mat them with the larger one. Again be patient with all the silly marketing and download that file. Just scroll down to where it says Download link at the bottom.

Wake Surfboard SVG

If you do a project with one of my svg's I would SO love to see it, remember you can't sell my svgs, honestly who would pay for them?! Don't forget to name your children after me and give me all the credit I don't deserve. ;0)

Finn the terrorist

OOOeey gooeey and I survived!

THE OOEY GOOEY

I know it doesn't look like much, but in this gooey phlegm like picture, there is a milestone present.  I'll tell you  it wasn't a little shiny drooling baby taking a first step, cutting a tooth or blurting out a cussword when they met their Sunday school teacher.(I am compelled to mention the parents NEVER EVER use bad words, while driving, or when the dog does something bad, never). No nothing fuzzy like that, but the milestone is- I still have my hair!

You see, there is this supposedly wonderful program called INKSCAPE. It enables a very patient user to create SVG filese, these files are then used by scrapbooking, cardmaking, cricut using paper junkies, such as myself. There are literally thousands of videos of people showing idiots, such as myself, how to use this program that was created by the devil. Mostly it's braniacs showing off,  but I was able to get just enough information to where I could begin to use the program....scream at the computer, vow to never use it again. Then get on it again a hour later, scream- yell- literally jump up and down...you get the idea. I do believe I did this about 25 times.

 I am happy to report that I have managed to create this gooey mess for you....and I have my hair. It's good news all around! click on the link below and ignore all the nonsense.

Ooeygooey SVG

The next picture is of how I actually used the file....I used the cricut to cut an svg I traced with the trace image feature on SCAL. I had taken a picture of my boy with the sun at the opposite side, I know you can position your subject against something white so SCAL can see the contrast. 

He is constantly drawing, so I included his pictures and the things that are most on his mind...It's called "In Lolo's head". I chalked the ooey gooey and then used crystal lacquer around the edges. 

So now I'm itching for more inkscape time...but I'm off to the lake for a few days with our friends...